5 Ways to Kill a Blog

We take all this time to build a blog, SEO the crap out of it, get links, spend money on a domain name, hosting and PPC ads occasionally. Building a blog can be fun but excruciatingly agonizing for some people who don’t know much about code/CSS/HTML or even menial tasks like how to align an image in a post. But for those of us who already have our blogs and want to dump them to move onto something else we try to so hard to let go off them, but it’s difficult at times. So here are the Top 5 Ways to Kill a Blog.

1. Chainsaw your Host Server – Using whois you need to find where your blog is hosted or you can check with your hosting provider. Then you fire up Google Earth and look up the exact location. Got it, good! Now go to the local hardware store, Home Depot has this wild thing chainsaw which looks rad -

Visit your host provider and ask them to show you exactly where your hosting server is. Once you find it rip out that chainsaw and make a nice 45 degree cut, that should completely destroy your blog. Tip: Hide the chainsaw in a guitar case, watch Desperado.

2. Learn Ninjitsu – Ninjitsu is learning the methods of gathering information, non-detection, avoidance, and misdirection techniques. Ninjutsu can also involve training in disguise, escape, concealment, archery, medicine, and explosives. Once you have mastered the art sneak into your hosting provider’s facilities with your new found stealth and agility and take out the server with one swipe of a ninja star. Which can be found here.

3. Send a Cease and Desist – Get in touch with a really good lawyer and type out a really good explanation why you want your hosting provider to Cease and Desist from hosting your blog. Tell them that if they do not stop hosting your blog within 5 business days of getting your order you will have no recourse but to take them to court. Tip: Take some ideas from this idiot.

4. Write to Ted Stevens – Say you do not want to be part of this this Series of Tubes! Tell him you want your blog taken off the internet and he was the only person you thought of contacting. Ask him to send an official letter to your hosting provider because it was one of the only ways that you thought of. After all the internet is not a dump truck and you hate that your blog is clogging the tubes.

5. Use the Force – Yoda is still hiding on Degobah and is awaiting the new ‘one’ that will bring balance to the world of blogging. Train your Jedi powers well, you will. Lean not towards the dark side, only pain and suffering there is. After you have mastered the Force and are one with it not even Vader can stand in your way to light saber your blog to oblivion.

If all else fails try logging into your hosting account, find the cancel host account button or page and press delete. That should finally get your blog of the internet.